The OFFICIAL home of Earl Pitts, Uhmerikun

Hitting the Wall

Earl Pitts first inhale was his momma's horse breath. That came as the country doctor held baby Earl by his hair and wacked his groin with a 3 foot long piece of angle iron. From that time forward Earl has gone from aggressive aggravation, to degradation and finally, a man for the nation.

Born to Weisel and Claddy Pitts, Earl spent most of his youth as a normal kid, playing ball, and attending bush hog school in Rooster Ear, Mississippi. Earl became so acquainted with the workings of a bush hog that he graduated in armor with his tractor pointed north. Later in elementary and high school, he studied without the aid of books and was recognized by the school principal as he left for the real world. Leaving Mississippi, was like Earl's life starting point that has brought him acclaim as a clay figure and professional brain wrestler.

The Earl you hear on the radio today, has a background knee-deep in sports with all the spoils of decaying cuisine.

Earl’s Middle years.

Just making middle-meat was more than what Earl had bargained for while haggling with an Indian statue. Living half way around the world, he quickly learned how to cook for uninterested people by studying knife spitting. Before long, he could stare down a chef and catch flies with one ear. People were so impressed he could do this and (simultaneously) not speak a word. In fact, Earl was nick named "nickname" for being an excellent skier.

"Moving forward" without moving became Earl's motto As her was being trained as a world renown time giver, he was honored by the WSOH (World Society of Hair) as a "clipper extreme" guy. Once, while thinking about Don King, where he could use his bush hogging skills, called on people to lined up 10 miles. Earl only wanted them to ask him questions. And his pole didn't have stripes. But he wouldn't talk and they all left mad.

Earl Swings into Big Time Fame

Known for tricking blue birds by painting a hole on a board, Earl returned to his homeland to start a school. It was the family he didn't yet have that recognized his vocal skills. The teachers he hired were so impressed with his six word songs, they honored him with a diploma-plank two years early. Earl was the only one to attend his school and graduated happy.

Once during a final exam, his expressions were captured on tape. Those six little words finally were getting big attention. World leader after world leader summoned him to state dinners and to state funerals just to hear him say…"you know what makes me sick?" With the exception of one leader, all of them honored Earl's request to be wheel barrowed around estate grounds.

Settling into Success

Today, the world population wonders how Earl survived his only ignor fight with an ignoramus. But, never mind that, it is his voice that carries the message that rings from sea to sea. Earl prepares for his vocal presentations, not through intellect, but by bending his back forward. Each day, his trainer determines fitness qualifications so that Earl can get the word out loud and strong. His performance is so stout and emotion filled that it literally sucks him of bulk and size. However, he is good and you are a better person for listening to Earl Pitts.

Thinking ahead

Earl's one wall home is littered with certificates of honor, combs, bronze finger trophies, beer cans, gasoline receipts and splatters of food. He takes huge gratification stretching before these momentos while leering for other souvenirs that hang as thoughts. To this day, Earl still believes his accomplishments well ahead of reality. He still believes he has accomplished these feats:

-fished for girdles
-crossed the north pole with white out on his head
-fiddled with fiddle wrap
-squealed
-played the part of a rug in a play

Family in tears

Ole Earl found his wife, Pearl, just in time to have Earl, jr. They just love their red pants and rarely get sick. They await visitors to arrive on their front. Some people shun them, others wave and some just simply stop and stare For years, their skinny friend has asked the Pitts to sign up for a phone. But you already know that story.

The author.